Edward Cullen's Ten Rules 4 Courting My Daughter
by Anne Shirley Cullen
Summary: Jacob's reaction to the Edward's crazy rules. This is another story that I am co-writing with peroxide.
1. Edward's Rule's 1 thru 3

**Edward Cullen's Ten Rules for Courting My Daughter**

**(As Read and Interpreted by Jacob Black)**

**Rule One: _Always _make sure that you are ten miles away before thinking or making any moves on _My _daughter.**

_ We walked on, Nessie and me, as we always did when I hunted with her. I watched her as she heard the heartbeat of the animal she wanted, as she stalked it, sometimes even played with it a beat as she chased it around the woods. I purposefully shifted back into human form to watch her feed. How could I have ever not seen the grace in these creatures? Had I really once been appalled at this? It seemed like another reality now as I watched her in her beauty. She finished her feeding and turned to me with a smile. Somehow she was always more beautiful, if more beautiful than her usual was even possible, after she fed. I walked up to her wanting nothing more than to kiss her. But remembering how young she really was, I simply took her hand and walked her back home. I was going to have to take a cold shower when I got home, that was for sure. As we walked on, her proximity made it even harder for me to keep my focus. Her smell and her voice all taking over my senses and before I knew it, I leaned over and kissed her on the corner of her mouth. She blushed and smiled and it warmed my insides to she her that way._

_ Then we were there, at the Cullen's in what seemed like record time. Nessie was greeted with loving smiles and warm embraces. I was greeted by a cold cock form dear old Daddy. That's when I remembered about the telepathy. Hard to believe I could forget a thing as dangerous as that, but I did. And even the punch to the jaw couldn't keep me from smiling as I looked up at him in my defiance and said, "You and I both know she liked it." And walked right past him and into the house where I return to her side to hold her hand. She laid her head against me and I chanced a glace back at him…hell…I even winked._

**Rule Two: When you do speak to _my_ daughter, you will speak to her as a _lady_, remaining yourself a _perfect_gentleman.**

_ I sat on the Cullen's couch, where I found myself a lot these days, and grabbed a controller as Emmett…who I call, "The cool one"…loaded a first person shooter game into his video game consol. Nessie came down stairs right as we were getting into the game and I made the mistake of looking at her. She was pouting…and I couldn't take it. I knew that was why she was doing it, I knew I was a sap, I knew I was wrapped. Emmett had taken it upon himself to be my personal reminder of just how destroyed I was over this girl. So as I looked from her to him I made a decision. This time I wouldn't give in. I sat there and forced myself to turn back towards the TV and keep playing the game. She, being completely spoiled and incorrigible as she was, sat down right on my lap. I couldn't see the TV and I died in the game. Emmett snickered. She turned to look at me and I just felt humiliated. I could take it. But then she smiled, which has always been my ruin. I went from upset to…well to be frank (even though I knew it was kinda wrong)…a little turned on. And to add to it I looked at her and I said, "Damn Nessie! Do you know what you do to me?" After that all I remember was being pulled over the back of the couch by my cropped hair by Edward Cullen…who I call, "The Uptight One". He drug me through the house and pulled me outside with him while simultaneously slamming the front door. That was the first of our many man to man talks. It wasn't the last time Nessie got me in trouble on purpose though…That was for sure._

**Rule Three: DO NOT involve _my_ wife in matters that concern you courting _my_ daughter. **

**You should have learned years ago, she always chooses me.**

_ As soon as I was allowed back inside of the house, I did what any dignified Alpha would do…I tattled. I ran up those stairs as fast as I could until I found Bella Cullen…who I call, "The Reasonable One". She was in Carlisle's study discussing the ins and outs of Nessie's development. An ironic topic if you ask me. As soon as the old man saw the look on my face he took his cue and left. Ugh! I muttered. I can't believe what your daughter just did. Bella, I mean __**your **__daughter. She sat on my lap knowing full well what she is doing. Of course, Edward your true love, over heard the whole thing in more ways than one. And like always he blamed me. It doesn't help that she knows what's going on…and I know she knows what's going on. You know what Edward's response was this time; he grabbed the top of my head like a little boy! He drug me outside! She didn't look surprised at all. Of course she wasn't! She knew how he was as well as I did. She looked at me and she had the audacity to tell me that Nessie was only a child. _

_ "A child!" I yelled out throwing my hands into the air. "What kind of child has those kind of curves?" I asked her making the motions with my hands. She slapped me of course. I went on anyway. Edward's mom must have been a fox herself because even you don't have curves that deadly Bella! I mean the girl is borderline obscene! I'm telling you the man must have some milf genes in there somewhere! I noticed then that Carlisle…who I call, "The Good Doctor"…had returned. I chanced a look at him and he seemed offended. I gave him a look that said, What you looking at? He stepped forward, somewhat menacingly and calmly asked…a little to calmly actually…Do you have a pension for attration to females much out of your age range? I wasn't real sure was he was getting at so I just stared…somewhat dumbly I must admit. He continued as expected…he was a Cullen after all and they are historically long winded. Did you really just refer to my wife as a fox and a milf? I do understand modern lingo you know. When he finished he was barring his teeth slightly. What was with the Cullens and their posessiveness? No Doc. I meant his bio mom. The one that gave birth to him…back when he had a heartbeat. Calisle looked shocked and turned from the room. _

_ I turned back to Bella, shouting again, Don't you understand? There is no courting! No dating ritual! She mine! That's how it works Bella. I know it and she knows it. There is no way out and you don't get a say so. No amount of beating and harassing can change it! I'll know when she is ready way before you do! She's in here! I told her beating on my right temple. The pounding foot steps speeding up the stairs should have been a warning. But I was to furious to heed it. I was lifted into the air by my throat and slammed against The Good Doctor's wall. Edward was seething. Are you telling on me JAKE? He both growled and spat out at me. I could smell the iron on his breath. I imagined being his prey…not a comforting thought. I still stood up to him though. No, not telling, just talking to your better half, the voice of reason in your crazy relationship. He squeezed harder and I tried to resist. You know she'll hate you if you don't stop! I screamed at him. But I could tell he had block out their thoughts. He was all rage…and I was his focus. Fine then… if he wanted to hate me…Id give him a damn good reason. I leaned in to him the best I could and whispered…I didn't want to upset Bella after all. I whispered to him, You know Im right. You know that she knows what she is doing. All you have to do is listen to Nessie thoughts. She may be young up here, I told him pointing to his head, but every where else she's all grown up and ready for Jake. I smiled at him as he squeezed harder. Some blood came up through my mouth and I spat it at him. I paniked. I felt my pride slipping. I cried out as I felt his grip tighten. Bella….he…..eeellp…pleee…sse. She frowned at me. I told you Jake…I'm Switzerland. And she walked out the room. Damn, vamprism had made that woman cold. Hearing my jab at his wife, Edward squoze harder. I urinated down my leg and he let me calapse on the floor gasping for air. He then left as well. Jasper came in the room then. I tried to hide my face from him, but I knew he could feel my embarrassment. Jacob…he addressed me…Do you have any idea how exhausting you make my life? Then he picked me up and left me standing in my own piss. I prayed that Nessie didn't find out as I blocked her from my mind._


	2. Edward's Rule's 4 thru 6

**Disclaimer: We want to thank Ms. Stephenie Meyer for creating the beloved characters of Edward, Jacob, Renesmee and the rest of the Cullen family. Also, the wolves**

**Edward Cullen's 10 Rules for Courting My Daughter**

**Rule #4: If you want to court and marry my daughter, you must keep her safe at all times; even from your own people.**

Nessie and I were down at First Beach hanging out with both wolf packs, when Nessie got injured. As usual Paul and I were arguing over who is the most badass comic book villain Doomsday or Dr. Von Doom. Of course it got physical to the point that Nessie stepped in between us fearing I was going to get hurt. Right before Paul could get a swipe at me, Nessie grabbed Paul's ears (who had turn to a wolf). One of Paul's fangs snagged the lower lid of Nessie's right eye. It looked far worse that it actually was. Luckily I had turned into a wolf, managed to get Nessie on my back and run back to the Cullen mansion. Of course, Edward was in my face before I even stepped through the front door foaming at the mouth. Damn his telepathy ability, it always manages to get me in trouble. Why didn't I think of just automatically calling Dr. Fang? Then I wouldn't have to deal with the overprotective bloodsucker daddy. "How dare you? How am I supposed to trust you with her when this happens? You're supposed to protect her, not hurt her!"

**Rule #5: My daughter may come with an infinite checking account, but that doesn't mean that you get a free ride.**

**Go back to school. Get a job. This is not a suggestion.**

I was hanging out with Jasper and Emmett playing video games. "So what are you going to do with your life?" Jasper asked me out of nowhere. "Uhhh. Marry Nessie and have kids." I replied. "No. Really. What are you going to do? I know you worried about how you're going take care of Renesmee." I stared at Jasper I should have realized that he would have picked up on that. Being the smart ass I responded, "I don't know maybe I'll be a mechanic. It's the only thing I'm good at." Blondie responded by calling from up stairs, "Or maybe you could get a job at the pound!" jasper chuckled and I rolled my eyes. Of course she would say something like that. I looked at jasper, feeling a little indignant form that last comment and said, "What do I need a job for huh? Thanks to daddy and granddaddy, Nessie has an infinite checking account." Jasper grinned and looked up behind me. I didn't even have to look to know who was standing there. "Jacob. I would have though you more of a man than to want to live off your wife and never contribute? Is that a wolf thing or just a Jacob Black thing?" he grinned and walked away. Damn telepathy.

**Rule #6 Respect my Daughter…even when she doesn't Respect herself.**

I took her to the bar. It wasn't my fault. She wanted to go. She wanted to see it. What was I supposed to say? No? Really? So we got there and what did she do? She ordered a drink. I tried to talk her out of it but noooo. One of these day I'll have to have talk with her about how her rebellious daughter of the goodie goodie family routine gets me in trouble every time. But how can I when it's part of what I love about her? So she started drinking and then she started dancing. Then she was dancing on the bar and was about to take her shirt off; when blur of purple and black lace showed up in front of Nessie covering her up with a blanket and threw Nessie over her shoulder. Alice rushed out leaving me in the dust to fend for myself. I thought knew what I was going to encounter as soon as I walked in. That is until I saw Nessie in the middle of the Cullen's living room singing "Tequila makes my clothes fall off." As soon as I walked in the door and took in the sight Alice slapped me across my face harder than I had ever been slapped before. Then she pointed one long skinny finger at me and said, "I expected more from you." It hurt coming from her. She wasn't usually the one doling out punishments or insults. Then she grabbed Nessie's hand and drug her up the stairs saying something about feeding to get the alcohol out of her system so they could have a girl talk about the way young women are supposed to behave. Then I was left in a room that I hadn't realized had filled up with the rest of the Cullens. Bella walked up and slapped me, not as hard as Alice did, but hard enough. Then she followed the other two up the stairs. Edward stepped forward and gave me a steely look. I waited to be beaten. I was really, genuinely afraid. But all he did was look for a long time. Then he finally spoke. "Alice and Bella beat me to it. But don't think we aren't going to have a long talk as soon as I'm done being disgusted by you."


	3. Chapter 3

**Just an update. Peroxide and my life as been busy. I have started back to school. And, Peroxide has started working. Recently she found out that she's expecting. So as you can imagine, she is not feeling up to par at the moment. Hopefully we will get back to print up the rules in a months time. **

**Also, if any one has an idea on a rule for jacob from Edward. PM, me we sort of ran into writers block.  
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	4. Edward Rule's 7 and 8

_**Disclaimer: Thanks Ms. Meyer for her wonderful characters and world of Twilight. Do not own or wish to own.**_

**A.N. Peroxide and I will be gradually getting back to this story. She was blessed with a wonderful baby boy.**

Edward Cullen's Ten Rules 4 Courting My Daughter

**Rule #7: When Driving anywhere with Renesmee; you will drive at or 5 miles below the speed limit.**

What a dumb rule! Edward has the nerves! What's worse was, it was Nessie's Grandpa Charlie that caught us. You'd think Charlie would help me out giving us a police escort. As it was, I only had ten minutes to get Nessie home at 10:30, on the nose.

Charlie winds up calling Bella and of course it was dear old Edward that answers. I can hear Eddie's reply "Yes, Charlie. You're right he shouldn't be driving at 160 miles per hour, especially with Renesmée in the car. Yes go ahead and give him the ticket. And, thank you for calling us to let us know that they will be late. Rest assured that I will be giving Jacob my opinion, when they get back here. Goodnight, Charlie."

Really! I should just shove that ticket in his face and tell him to pay the fine. It would be justice of some sort for all the times I been in the car with him putting his dear old precious Volvo to the max. Stupid mind reader and his Jedi tricks! Of course I had to open my big mouth and tell him "Look here, Edward. It's all your fault and that damn curfew." He wouldn't see it my way though. Nope. He was the responsible one, even when he drove more 160 MPH everyday of his life. The way he saw it his superior reflexes made it okay for him but mine were not to be trusted. And that curfew! He thinks that 10:30 is a perfectly reasonable curfew for a girl to have in the 21st century? Maybe I should try some of his old tricks and have her home on time and then sneak into her bedroom window huh? See how dear old Daddy likes his own methods! But no! He is chivalrous above all men!

I figured I had better curb my thoughts as we were approaching the house and he would be hearing my rants. I try not to be angry so that Nessie doesn't have to feel put in the middle. She never liked it when we fought. I try explaining that there is a history there from before she was around but she wont have any of it. So she pulls this card, "If you really cared about my feelings you wouldn't get so hostile towards him. It makes me have to choose sides and that breaks my heart." I mean really? What can I do when she goes there? So we go inside and he's waiting, as always. I kiss the top of her head and for a moment I close my eyes and take in her scent. Perfection and paradise right before the storm. I tell her to go get some sleep right as he says, "Renesmee, go to your room." I give him a look that says, 'Really? Take it out on the girl? How low of you to let your anger go that far!' He returns a look of his own. I knew it well, 'You don't get to judge me and my family.'

So he starts in and he doesn't get three words out before I say, "I'm sorry man. That was a bad move and I should have planned my time better so I could get her home on time without rushing. I could have gotten her hurt and neither of us could have lived with that." He closed his mouth. Ha! To angry to have seen it coming, blind-sided! That'll show Nessie! Don't care about her my ass!

He looked at me with distrust and a, "Thank you for getting her home safely Jacob. I trust she had a good time. I'm sure we will see you tomorrow. You should get some rest as well." It was a clear, 'I'm still very mad but we will be civil for her pleasure."

So, I learned a new trick to get him to shut up and deal with it. Why thank you Nessie!

**Rule#8: Renesmee may not go to the reservation, until you are married. **

Just great another dumb rule! All right, I get it; that you still have issues with me. But, this! You would think with his Victorian up bringing, Edward would be glad that I wanted to introduce Renesmee to my family.

Nessie really enjoyed herself; I first brought her to see Billy. And, like usual she had Billy wrapped around her finger in an instant. I notice something caught Renesmee's attention, she was acting like a little Alice. "What is got you so excited Nessie?" I asked. She pointed to the house, "It looks just like my cottage. It's little like it and just so sweet." I kneeled down to her level and replied "That's because we make the houses ourselves. Just like Esme made the your cottage for your mom and dad." After that she runs straight to and inside my home to explore.

It was then I noticed my dad giving my that "you can't hide anything from me" stare. The same one I would get as a kid when Embry, Quill, and I would cause trouble on the res. "What do you want? Da-ad?" I asked. "Just tell me one thing. Am I right to imagine that Bella and Edward are her parents?" Billy replied.

I just stared at him and nodded. "Jacob, are you sure it is a good idea to have her here? I know we have been getting along but it has always been a very weak and wavering treaty between ourselves and the Cullens."

"I've imprinted." And that was all that was needed for Billy to understand my predicament. And quite the predicament it was. I followed Renesmee into my house to find her pilfering through the cabinets, pantry, and refrigerator. "What are you looking for Nessie?" I leaned against the doorframe and I'm sure I was smirking, she was just too cute, watching her take it all in.

"I wanted to see how much food is in your house. To feed all these wolves! I mean at my house I'm the only one who eats, but I hear you guys eat A LOT, right?" My smile grew. She really wanted to know about us. "If you really wanna see a lot of food, follow me." She smiled so big I thought her face would crack, and she took my hand.

So, I headed over to Sam and Emily's place as usual the gang was all there. Seth spotted us just as we reached the end of Sam's driveway, and galloped towards us. "Hey, Jacob!" He said to me, and the leaned down giving Nessie a big bear hug. It was the Sam storm up to me and yelled "Jacob! Are you made? Bringing Renesmee onto the Res. I hope you got permission to bring her here. I mean we're just getting back to being civil with each other." Ever the lifesaver, Nessie walks up and says, "Jacob I'm hungry." Before I could help her, Nessie went over to Paul's plate and grabbed one of his muffins. Paul was smiles until then. I had to hold in a chuckle, I knew what was coming. "Maybe they have no manners in the Cullen house but hear we don't take other peoples food." Nessie was so shocked and she turned red. "Oh. Well I thought since it was displayed so wonderfully that it was for taking." Paul got visibly angrier and Nessie still didn't understand what was going on. "That's the problem. You didn't think did you?" I watched as Nessie went from confused to angry, but I still wasn't worried. She stepped up to him and she snarled a bit. "I understand that you are upset, but insults are unnecessary." He pushed her and told her that she had better not threaten him here, he could take her anyday. She pushed him back and he slid across the floor. She smirked like she thought she had won something. My Nessie, always the competitor, just like her Dad. How many times had I watched her go through the same things with Emmitt? Paul ran at her and she dodged him and used his own body weight and momentum to push him into the wall. He got more upset and phased. I immediately got between them and told him to back off. He did and ran off still in wolf form. I apologized for him and told Nessie we should get her home.

As we approached the Cullen house Renesmee ran inside eager to tell Emmitt of her little scuffle. I sat on the couch and took the time to listen in smiling at how proud she was of herself and at the memory of how interested she was in my people. I'll admit I took some pride in that. Emmitt congratulated her and I saw the Blonde Devil leave the room and go tell Daddy on me for the whole scenario. Oh great. Here comes the thunderstorm. Edward appeared then in the room with me. I laughed openly at his face. He looked horrified. I thought to him. 'Read my mind superman, you will see that no one got hurt.' He smirked and spoke out loud, "Not this time,". Oh great. I feel another one of his famous rules coming along. "You will keep her off that land until you are married, do I make myself clear?" Wow. How bold. I figured why not throw feeling at him, it work last time. "You know how much that will hurt her. She will hate you for it. You will be the bad guy and I will be the good guy. Can you handle that?" He looked at me sternly, like I was his own child. Yeah right, I had my own _Daddy_, and thank God it wasn't Edward Cullen. "Jacob, don't pretend to know the inner working of my family."

"Oh trust me, no one is pretending here."

He growled at me and pinched his nose to hold his temper. "This is non-negotiable Jacob. If you do it again you will no longer see her." I was mad. Duh. So what did I do? The respectable, responsible thing of course! I turn over the couch and storm out of the house cursing him. About halfway home it hit me, at least he acknowledged that we would be married at some point. Maybe that could be considered growth, I don't know. Right then, I didn't really care.


	5. Edward's Rule 9

_** Disclaimer: Shout out to S.M. who created the series and characters.  
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_**A.N. At long last here's rule #9. It's the longest chapter that Peroxide and I put out. We hope you enjoy. Please review.**_

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><p><strong>Rule #9: You will not use my daughter's emotions against me in order to get what you want from a situation.<strong>

I came over early the next day wondering if Edward really meant want he said about taking Nessie to the res. And, decided that I was going to ask her during breakfast in front of him. Yeah, must say not bright idea on my end, but I wouldn't be me if I did otherwise.

"Hey Ness." I called as I entered the cottage. "Morning Eddie, Where's my Nessie?"

"Oh, don't you mean where's MY daughter." He replied, "Secondly, Don't call me Eddy!"

"Yeah, Yeah, anyways! Did you forget I was suppose to be taking my girlfriend to the reservation today?"

"I didn't forget that you were going to the reservation. But, you have girlfriend?"

"Ha-Ha, very funny. I'll just go find your better half, and see if she knows where mine is."

"Oh, I thought I heard Edward being an ass." Bella said entering the room, "Renesmee is up in her room."

"Thanks Bella." I replied running to Nessie's room.

"Bella," I heard Edward say with that tone he uses when upset. "Why would you undermine my authority right in front of him."

"Oh, Edward. Haven't you realized you don't have any, authority." Alice running upstairs saying, "You better not leave this house until I see what you're wearing young lady."

A second later I see Alice in front of me. "Oh you look perfect, Nessie. You fine to go."

Nessie and I headed down the stairs, with Alice behind her. She wore a pair juicy couture sneakers, a pair dark wash shorts Alice bought at some little boutique in seattle, and on top she wore NY&Co vintage wash white v-neck tee with a little pocket over her heart.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, march yourself back up those stairs." Edward ordered.

"Just ignore your dad, Nessie, I do."

"Daaaaaaad!"

_"EDWAAARD!" _Nessie and Alice whined in unison.

"NO! You're barely wearing anything." Edward just raised an eyebrow pointedly at me.

"Edward, whatever dude!" I gave him a look of my own.

Bella turned to Edward, "Please Edward you got to be joking."

"No, I am not joking. She either changes or she's not going."

Alice being her usual self tries pushing Nessie out the door. Edward runs to the door closing it before they got there. He gave Alice the death glare and pointed up the stairs. I mean really he was acting like Nessie was a dog! I looked at him incredulously. "Jacob, you can stop looking at me that way, it isn't going to get you any closer to leaving." I looked away. This guy really didn't see what was going on. Nessie stormed past Alice and me, but not before knocking shoulders with her dad. Which I have to admit I was a little proud of her for doing.

"Dude, you have to know that she is going to hate you for this right? I mean it took her hours to pick out that outfit. Man she is so nervous already and you just ruined it for her." I figure to talk squarely to him, it seemed to be the only way to get anything through to him.

"You don't have to tell me anything, she is _my _daughter."

I scoffed. How could I not really? Just then Alice decided to chime in to calm her brother down.

"You know he is right Edward, It will take her awhile to get over this one. Fashion is no laughing matter." She looked at him through her eyelashes. "And she does take after her parents." She added sing song.

"What is with all the turmoil in this house? Every time Jacob show up it is like you can cut through the emotions in here with a knife. You'd think we were a dysfunctional family." Jasper entered the room with his trademark sideways smirk. Then he winked at me. The man was a weird little hick if you asked me. But nobody ever asked me. Emmett was really the only one anywhere close to normal in my books. But maybe that was just because for a vampire, well he sure did have some wolf-like qualities. It would probably be nice to answer the southerner.

"Edward won't let Nessie come to the res because she was showing her knees! Oh no! The horror! The shame!" I covered my mouth and my eyes in mock surprise and disgust.

"Well now how much knee are we talking about here?"

"You have got to be kidding me!"

Alice wrapped her arms around Jaspers waist and put her head on his shoulder. Looking up at his she said, "Of course he is." He smiled down at her and responded, "Yes Ma'am." I thought I was going to be sick.

Nessie was listening to all this from the top of the stairs, hoping someone could change her father's mind. Emmett descended the stairs past her, but looked back adding, "Hey Nessie! Looking good! Going somewhere?" She laughed and so did I. Edward was a different story. If glares could kill, then the whole clan would have been annihilated. Rosalie came down after him.

"Edward won't you leave the poor girl alone. Let her live her own life already." Her and Emmett left through the front door both smiling at Edward on their way out.

Bella rolled her eyes at her husband. It was still weird to call him that by the way. She looked at him and told him, "Edward we are in the 21st century. Get with the times." Then she went after her daughter to talk to her.

Edward looked at me again and this time a little but defeated. "Alright Jacob take her out, but I will know everything that happens, you can't hide anything from me. Know that."

Nessie came bounding down the stairs. She threw her arms around her father and thanked him over and over. Of course he gets the apology when I did all the work of convincing him. Women.

"Gee. Thanks _Dad_." I called out to Edward as the door closed behind us. And I swear I heard a fist hit the door. And you know me, I held her closer and had to suppress a chuckle.


End file.
